Her Laugh
by onceuponatime47
Summary: Merlin remembers Freya. Arthur and the others are there to comfort him. But it takes more than a simple conversation to get it out of him. Someone is looking for Emrys. Reveal fic. T because I'm paranoid. MerlinxFreya
1. Reminiscing

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.**

Her laughter stopped him.

It was the oddest thing. He was just walking along, minding his own business when he heard it. It was Gwen. Merlin had heard her laugh a thousand times before but on this particular day, in this particular moment, it broke the young warlock's heart in two.

He stopped dead in his tracks. He closed his eyes tightly to fight a tear seeking escape. It had been years since her death but he still ached for the girl with long dark hair and a deep secret as black as Uther's heart. His eyes fluttered open. _I must see her. _

Gwen had been walking behind him with Arthur and when she reached him, a look of concern was stretched across her pretty features. "Merlin? Are you alright?"

"Oh, come on Guinevere. Honestly." Arthur rolled his eyes.

Gwen paid no heed to her husband, quite used to his ignorant remarks. She stared into Merlin's eyes, forehead creasing in concern. It took Merlin a second to recover and soon he was smiling like his usual self. "I'm fine and how are you on this beautiful day My Queen?"

Gwen frowned. This was very unlike Merlin. "Merlin, I'm here if you need me."

His smile faltered for a brief second. "I think Gaius wanted me to…uh- go collect some herbs. Yes, yes that's what he- uh needed me for."He took a couple steps away then paused. Maybe later Gwen?"

Gwen nodded. Arthur's expression had changed during their brief exchange. His superior air had diminished and he was assessing Merlin out of the corner of his eye. Merlin turned to go but Arthur stopped him, clamping a hand down on his shoulder. "Merlin. If you ever feel…" he trailed off, seeming uncomfortable. The king cleared his throat. "Um, if you ever need to…"

Merlin nodded a little too eagerly. "I do believe I understand Sire."

Arthur straightened. "Good…good. Carry on then Merlin. Go… polish my armor."

Merlin gave a curt nod. "Already done, Sire." He then dashed down the hall, lanky form disappearing around the corner.

In truth, he retired to his chambers. Gaius was out, actually collecting herbs. Lying on his small cot, Merlin thought about her. Freya. He smiled faintly at her name. She was so beautiful.

He wished he had been able to hear Freya laugh more. To grow old with her in a little house up by a lake with a few fields and a couple cows. And strawberries. Where no one could ever find them.

His reminiscing did not last long as he was soon interrupted by a certain blonde-haired prat. Who also happened to be a king. "Merlin!"

He sat up on his cot just as Arthur slammed open the door. Assuming a regal pose in the doorway, he cocked an eyebrow. "Gaius needs you, eh Merlin?" he stepped into the room. "Guinevere seems to think you are ill." His nose quirked. "Or just feeling down about something. She sent me to pry I tout of you. But- _I _think you are just a lazy, good-for-nothing servant, trying to get out of his chores for the day."

If Merlin hadn't actually been feeling under the weather he would have laughed at Arthur's swift turn around. But as the king rattled on about Merlin's incompetence, the warlock thought he saw a flash of real concern in his eyes. Merlin slid of his bed and stood. "Well then, I better get moving along, Sire. I believe Gaius wanted me to meet him in the forest to assist with his herb collecting after I finished my chores for you." He rocked back on his heels as his spoke, and then added seemingly as an afterthought; "Sire."

Merlin darted around Arthur to grab his bag off of the back of a chair. Arthur followed him into the room. "Merlin."

Merlin stopped in the entranceway to the physician's chambers. "Yes, Sire?'

Arthur opened his mouth then shut it. He sighed. "Never mind. Carry on, Merlin."

Merlin nodded and flew down the corridor like the hounds of the underworld were nipping at his heels.

Sunset came and found the broken-hearted boy by the edge of the Lake of Avalon. He sat chest-to-knees in a patch of grass near the shoreline. He knew that he shouldn't have stayed out so late but what was done was done. The cool breeze blew a wisp of his dark hair across his forehead. He ran his hands over his face and stood. He moved like a dead man to the edge of lake. The fading sunlight glinted across the quiet lake. The water touched the edge of his boots and he almost fell to his knees as the druid girl's absence hit him like a ton of bricks. He shambled forward until he was knee-deep in the water. He closed his eyes and the sunset turned his lids red. Red like the anger he should have felt when Arthur killed- _murdered_ the girl he loved. But he hadn't hated the man for doing it. He cared for Arthur too, and he knew if Arthur could understand magic, then he wouldn't have done it. Arthur was a good man. Unlike his father.

Merlin stayed with Freya for a while longer. Or at least that's how he thought of it. That she hadn't truly left him. In the blink of an eye she would be beside him. But he could never be with her. Suddenly he didn't want to be Emrys, the warlock destined for greatness. Emrys, so powerful yet he could not save her. He just wanted to be Merlin, a normal serving boy who didn't have to worry about the fate of Camelot on his shoulders. He just wanted to be alone and to grieve for the girl he lost so long ago.

The moon lit a way back to the castle for Merlin, but he didn't need it. He had walked the same path a hundred times before. In the shadows of the night, he slipped back into his room, expecting a lecture or two the following morning.

**Thanks so much for reading! Chapter 2 is already underway! (review if you want more)**


	2. Freya

"The tavern? Again, Merlin?" Arthur was incredulous.

Merlin certainly looked drunk. His normally clumsy nature had intensified to something catastrophic. The lack of sleep made him a bigger klutz than usual and combined with his sorrow, he wasn't talking much except for a few slurred answers.

Gaius was used to his late-night Lake Avalon visits. The first time he left without a word and a hunting party had been sent out. Merlin had actually returned shortly before their departure so lying about his whereabouts was easier than explaining why he had been stumbling about the woods in the dark. Arthur had not been pleased to find that Merlin had been getting drunk at the "tavern".

Merlin cursed himself and turned from the doorway. He had just been about to make his escape. Arthur glared at him from over his uneaten breakfast. "You didn't think I wouldn't find out again? Gaius told me. He returned to the castle to find you gone and when I didn't get my breakfast on time this morning, I come to find you in a drunken stupor."

Arthur had arrived at the physician's chambers half-dressed that morning to find Merlin passed out on his cot and Gaius fumbling for an excuse. Always the tavern. Merlin would have to tell him to find a better reason later. Arthur had dragged him back to his room and then ordered him to go get breakfast. Arthur had been dead silent the whole time.

Merlin sighed. "Yes, I was at the tavern."

Arthur cocked an eyebrow. He could hardly believe feeble little Merlin spent his time at the tavern all the time. "With Gwaine?'

"No."

"Then with who?"

"No one."

"You were drinking all by yourself then Merlin? Like you do every other night?" Arthur sounded exasperated.

"…yes, Arthur." Merlin cursed Gaius and his excuses.

"Well, then." Arthur stood from the table. "Tonight, I, along with our knightly friends, shall accompany you to the tavern and we shall see how high of a tolerance you really have."

Merlin's jaw dropped.

Arthur smirked, and then he sat back down and took a bite of sausage. He glowered at Merlin. "It's cold."

**…...**

Gaius hadn't stopped staring at Merlin from across the table. Merlin sipped at his soup quietly, waiting.

"Well?" Gaius suddenly prompted.

"Well what?"

"Does Arthur want you out by dawn?"

It took Merlin a moment to comprehend what he was saying. "Oh, no. He's taking me and the knights to the tavern tonight," Merlin grimaced. "To drink."

Gaius chuckled softly then began eating. After a few moments of companionable silence, he asked in an almost-whisper, "They've gotten worse, haven't they?"

Merlin put his spoon down. He was talking about the nightmares.

Merlin still dreamt of her. His Freya. He dreams of them all. Will, Balinor, Lancelot; dying over and over again. His father, his friend and his lover. He dreams of Morgana taking Camelot and Arthur dead. He can't see any of them, his lost loved ones. The Lake is the closest thing he has and it reminds him of her. Arthur and Gwen remind him of her. Of what they could have had. It's like a knife to his heart every time he sees them together. Their love is quiet but it's true. That look Arthur gets in eyes when she speaks. The depth of her concern when he leaves for a few days. Merlin is jealous. He wants that to be them.

"Yes. It's not just her, it's all of them. My father, Lancelot, Will. And seeing Arthur with Gwen…" Merlin sighs wistfully, a certain tightness in his voice. "I thought I could have had that with her."

The pity in Gaius' eyes is overwhelming. He reaches over and takes Merlin's balled up fist in a comforting motion. He's like a father to Merlin. The father Balinor could have been. So many could haves, should haves. Life is not fair for the young warlock who loves so freely but has lost so many. His battered heart has seen too many battles and he's crumbling.

"I know it is hard Merlin. But Arthur did what he had to do. She was a threat to the people."

Merlin pulls away sharply. "Don't. Gaius. Please don't say that."

He turns his head. He feels so weak, so helpless. No one can understand the darkness he feels. The weight of his destiny. With Freya, he could have been free. He scolds himself for the idea of leaving Arthur, of forsaking Camelot but he can't help but think of what life could have been like.

A banging on the door interrupts them. Arthur is standing there, the knights crammed in the hallway behind him. "Come along, Merlin. Tonight, we drink to forget our pasts!"

**That was chapter 2! I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 3 will be about the tavern.**


	3. The Tavern

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.**

Merlin stared dejectedly at the tankard of mead in front of him. Gwaine put an arm around his shoulders and shook him as he laughed. Merlin managed a smile. Things were not looking good for him. Arthur glanced over at him. "Come on, Merlin! Drink up," His eyes narrowed at Merlin's full tankard.

Merlin was no longer paying attention. His gaze was fixed on the window facing the street. He was lost in another time.

_She was hunched over in the cage like an animal. He sneaks a look through the tavern window to make sure Halig is occupied. _

_ "Don't worry; I'm not going to hurt you. Tospringe."_

_ The cage door springs open and he puts a hand over the manacles on her tiny wrists. _

_ "Unspene pás mægp!"_

_ The shackles break. He takes the druid girl's hand and pulls her behind the card. Suddenly the tavern door swings open and Halig steps out._

_ "MERLIN!"_

Merlin was jolted back to the present. All the knights looked at him. "What? Sorry," he took a weak sip of his drink.

"Why aren't you drinking?"

"Yeah mate, aren't you here every night? But I never do see you…" Gwaine slurred.

"Um…" Merlin grew nervously uncomfortable. He cast a glance back out the window. He could be somewhere else right now.

To shut them up, he raised the tankard to his lips and chugged half of it. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he gauged their reactions. Gwaine laughed and chugged his own drink. Leon, Elyan and Percival turn away, no longer quite as interested in their scrawny friend. Arthur seems suspicious but they all seemed content to ignore him.

The serving woman came by to fill their cups again, Gwaine agreeing eagerly. She was pretty with ebony hair and sparkling blue eyes. Gwaine flirted with her shamelessly even in his intoxicated state. Once she had left Arthur turned his attention to Merlin. "Do you have a girlfriend Merlin?"

The other knights snorted their drinks with laughter. Merlin shook his head, ignoring the sharp pain in his heart. "Come on, lighten up Merlin," Arthur punched his arm.

"Freya." The second he said her name, he inwardly cursed himself. He wasn't sure what had come over him.

"What?" Elyan questioned.

"Freya. Her name was Freya."

The table sobered up quickly, no one had missed the past tense. "What happened to her?" Leon asked gently.

Merlin could feel the tears beginning to burn in his eyes.

"She was killed."

Arthur got up from his seat and placed his hand on Merlin's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Merlin. Is there anything we can do?"

The young warlock shook his head. Murmured apologies and a cold tension swept through their previously cheery group. Merlin felt slightly guilty for causing the somber atmosphere but he really just wanted to leave. He stood o announce his departure when the tavern doors slammed open.

A greasy bearded man stomped in, wielding a mace the size of Percival's forearm. A group of equally dirty, rugged men crowded the doorway to the tavern. The room was dead quiet at their arrival. "Where is the one the druids call Emrys?"

**Sorry if Merlin seems a little OOC, I'm trying to emphasize his feelings. Also, sorry it's such a short chapter. I'll try to get the next one up more quickly. Thanks for reading, please review!**


	4. Arlon

**Thank for taking your time to read and review my last chapter.**

_"Where is the one the druids call Emrys?"_

Merlin attempted to sink lower into his seat as subtly as possible. The first man, seemingly the leader of the group, grabbed a mug from a nearby serving girl and hurled it near a couple patrons who had turned away from him. Arthur rose from his seat. "Who are you to interrupt these people's evening? I suggest you take your quarrel with this... Emrys, elsewhere."

Merlin felt a shiver down his spine when his druid name slipped of Arthur's tongue. A flash of a long-ago nightmare of himself burning at the stake scorched his mind. The leader sneered at the Once and Future King. "I am Arlon, and don't be so quick to dismiss me, _your Majesty_," he said the title with scorn. "You may know this man as Dragoon."

Arthur stiffened and his hand flew to the sword as his belt. "What do you know of the sorcerer Dragoon?"

The man laughed. "That he played a hand in your father's untimely death. And more, if you hand Emrys over to me. Word says he travels among the people of Camelot."

Suddenly a figure with a forest green cloak emerged from behind him. Arlon gave the smaller figure a look of disdain but fear kindled in his eyes and he was quick to step aside. The figure took down his hood. _Emrys. _He was a druid. The name came through clear as a bell in Merlin's mind.

Merlin felt his insides twist and coil with fear. Would this druid betray him? Many druids worshipped him. Emrys, the one to free them from magical persecution. He cast a quick look to Arthur. No, Morgana still lived. He could not afford to lose Arthur's trust. The young druid surveyed the room. His gaze slid over Merlin, lingering a beat too long. Merlin's heart leapt to his throat. He was startled to see the man's eyes. The green of his eyes were overshadowed by a hazy grey cloud. The druid turned to Arlon and whispered something to him. Arlon gave a curt nod.

Arlon fixed his cold glare on the knights' table. "Take them."

In seconds Arlon's warriors were upon them. They were outnumbered. The fight would not take long. Gwaine shoved a table at a couple warriors, knocking them off their feet. Arthur sidestepped a thrust from a short sword. A bald, tattooed man charged him from the back. With a whispered incantation, Merlin's eyes flashed gold and the man slipped. Percival grabbed one by the back of his shirt and shoved his head into a wall.

For a moment it seemed they could win but then Merlin saw Arthur.

"Arthur!" Merlin yelled as the king was overpowered by Arlon. As Arthur fell to the ground, Merlin saw the druid behind him. For a brief second, his sea green eyes pierced into Merlin. They shone with sorrow. _I am sorry, Emrys._

His eyes clouded over and Merlin's head exploded into black silence as he was hit over the head with the hilt of a sword. His body crumpled to the ground. They had lost. The remaining knights were carted off out of the tavern. The tavern was quiet. Many had abandoned it when they had the chance and any who resisted lay crippled on the floor.

Gwen leaned against the wall. She sighed quietly. Gaius was humming softly to himself. He had finished rearranging all his potions and herbs on the first floor. Gwen had helped of course, she had insisted. Becoming queen of Camelot had not changed her kind-hearted ways.

Gaius was mixing a potion for the son of a blacksmith. He had been having terrible nightmares since a horrible incident involving a fire. Arthur and the others had left a couple hours prior and she didn't expect them back for a couple more. She was a little concerned about Merlin. He hadn't seemed his cheery self lately. She knew Arthur had noticed too, although he would never admit he was worried about his manservant.

Suddenly shouts interrupted their quiet evening. The door to the room flew open and one of the knights who normally watched the gates stood there out of breath. "My Lady, you should come with me. Word has traveled from the town. His Majesty and the Knights of the Round Table have been kidnapped by the warlord Arlon."

**Poor Merlin. ****Always getting kidnapped. Thanks for reading! Please review.**


	5. Gwen

Gwen gathered up her skirts as she and Gaius hurried after the knight. "What do you mean kidnapped? How does the king of Camelot, his manservant, and most loyal knights get kidnapped? In his own kingdom?"

The guard was quiet for a moment.

"One of the bartenders who survived spoke of Arlon. Few have heard of him but he is one of the warlords from the south. Alone, he and his men could not have overtaken them. They should not even have been able to cross the border into Camelot."

Gaius frowned, he could already see where this was going. "Arlon brought a group of druids with him. They helped Arlon into Camelot and kept anyone from assisting the King at the tavern. We could only watch. I am sorry, My Queen."

As they hurried to the throne room (Where other guards were waiting), Gaius worried about Merlin. The druids were his people and they had betrayed him.


	6. The Spirit Realm

**Hello! Here's a new chapter 3**

**To insomniacbookworm: You'll just have to wait and see… :D **

The jolt to consciousness was always unpleasant. The bright light from above was disorienting. Merlin blinked blearily. When he remembered what had happened at the tavern he almost groaned. Why did this always happen to him? Then it hit him. The light from above was the sun.

He sat up straight. Well this was…odd. He would have expected a dank cave with witches whispering his destiny or a wicked torture chamber designed to break his body and spirit. Shifting into a crouch, Merlin eyed his surprising surroundings warily. Of all places, he was in a field. The knights and the king lay around him, all unconscious. Pale tall grass whipped around in the wind. The field wasn't very big; a thick ring of trees blocked any exit. _Where am I? _ Merlin stumbled a few feet forward. Was he dreaming? A flicker of light caught his eye at the edge of the clearing.

_Emrys. _The voice was low but it surrounded him, coming from every side and entering his mind at every angle. He twisted around in a circle.

"Emrys." This new voice was very real. The young warlock whirled around to find an old woman standing at the edge of the trees. He did not recognize her. "Emrys," she repeated his name, reaching out a twisted hand, beckoning him forward.

Merlin glanced at the knights around him. "I need your help, Emrys." Suddenly she was by his side.

He stared at the deep wrinkles in her face, her sunken in deep blue eyes. "Who are you?" Merlin croaked out.

She gave him a twisted smile. "Elienya. But that is not important young one. This," she gestured with both arms to the field. "Is the wall blocking me from the spirit world. I have managed to break through the first few layers but I need your help to get through. My magic is not strong enough."

Merlin's throat closed. He could almost hear what Gaius would say about this. _The dead must remain dead. The spirits are not to be messed with, even for you Merlin._

"And why do you think I would help you?"

The croon smiled devilishly and her eyes flashed gold. "Because if you don't, Emrys," this time she spat his name. "I will kill your beloved friends."

The sky suddenly darkened as if the sun had dipped behind unseen clouds. The pale flickers at the edge of his vision increased and he could have sworn he saw a figure dash though the field. "The spirits know we are here. They do not care for our presence. W must be quick. Time is running out before they gain in numbers and remove us from this realm."

Merlin shifted. The odds were not in his favor. "Why do you want to get to the spirit world?" he was stalling of course.

Her eyes glinted. "I need to meet with some… old friends. Resurrect a few allies. Now, no more questions."

Resurrect. This time true curiosity sparked his question. "And how do you plan on resurrecting the dead?"

"There are stories of the Old Religion. Mere legends to some but I know they can be accomplished with you Emrys."

"I won't help you." Merlin didn't quite understand the old woman's intentions but he could sense a darker tone to them. Something not very pleasant for Camelot.

Elienya's fingers twitched and suddenly all the unconscious knights were hovering above the ground, silver roses and thorns wrapped around each neck. "No!" Merlin's eyes flashed and a branch from a nearby tree ripped off and came at her back. But she had come prepared. She deflected his advance.

Her smooth display of wordless magic was unnerving Merlin. "Let my friends go. I will help you."

Bright lights flashed more intensely at the edge of the clearing. It clicked in Merlin's brain just then. The spirits. They were overextending their stay.


	7. Blood for Blood

**Sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time. I have finals coming up and I'm going to be busy for a while. I hope you enjoy this chapter! I've already written a good portion of the next chapter so hopefully it should be up in a few days.**

Elienya smiled crookedly at Merlin. "Good. Here is what you and I need to do."

Merlin stiffened. "Arlon and his knights were the first part. A promise of an impressive fortune got them to bring you and your friends to me. But I needed them for more than that from them. In order for me to open the world, blood must be spilled." Her dark eyes glinted with the spirit's eternal glow as she waited for Merlin to understand.

And he did. Suddenly he could smell the stench of blood and death on her and it made his insides turn. "You killed them. Is that what you're going to do to me when you're done?"

"No Emrys, I have plans for you. I am going to call the spirits I seek," she moved her arms as she spoke. "And I need you to kill your friends. Blood for blood."

"No!" he yelled, already instinctively moving toward his friends to protect them. "You said you would spare them!"

"I said I would, but I said nothing about you being their murderer."

The spirits were growing more restless. They inched across the field. Merlin could make out facial features on a few and they did not look content with the disturbance. Elienya laughed and tossed back her head. She began to scream to the sky. Words in a language Merlin did not know mixed with magic. As she spoke Merlin tried to wake his friends. "Arthur! Come on wake up you prat…"

The king stirred slightly and Merlin's heart fluttered. And then Merlin heard nothing. He looked up to see six shimmering forms in front of the witch. In a low guttural voice she spoke to them. "Emrys. Drink the blood of the most powerful warlock to ever live and you can walk the earth again."

The spirits turned to him. Eyes flashing he tried to throw them off but they advanced. He left his friends to get away. As the spirits pushed him away, Elienya moved towards the knights, intending to kill them herself. As she bent over Gwaine, Arthur suddenly sprang up and drove his sword into her back. She let out a bloodcurdling scream and fell to the ground. Arthur stood, chest heaving and saw Merlin and his ghostly attackers. His eyes widened as Merlin's eyes flashed gold as another attack failed to save him.

He turned away from his manservant to try and wake the others. Merlin was being pushed into the edge of the clearing. The ring of trees pulsed with light. His pulse quickened with the animal growling he heard. Suddenly a feminine scream broke through the air. A streak of light dashed across the field followed by a glowing orb of spirits. Elienya's spirits were overpowered. Merlin watched with fascination. One spirit broke off from the heard. The light dimmed from the figure, features becoming more distinguished. It was a young woman, that's all he could tell. Behind her, the spirits parted behind her and back into the forest, leaving her, Merlin and the knights. Arthur had managed to revive most of them and they stood watching the phenomenon.

Merlin's heart quickened as he saw who the spirit was.

Freya.


	8. Ashes and Agony

She was beautiful. Of course he had expected nothing less. She was how he remembered her and so much more. She drifted to him slowly, like in a dream. "Merlin." A smile speard across her pale face.

"Freya," Merlin's voice was barely above a whisper.

He reached for her cautiously, worried she was nothing more than light. But when his hand reached her cheek he felt warmth and flesh. All it took was a second and she was in his arms. He stroked he long dark air, not caring if the knights saw his affection for her. "Merlin," her eyes met his and that spark was still there in his chest. Oh how he had longed for her touch. He brought his lips to hers ad it was like heaven. He felt lighter than he had in a long time. After a few seconds she pulled away and he could see the sadness in her eyes. "We can't do this." She murmured.

"I could bring you back. Eleinya… she said there was a way." His voice was rough, raw with the torment of the idea of forever.

"You know better than to play with death." Her thumb stroked his cheek and he leaned into her touch. Tears melted in her eyes and he wiped them away. "I'm so sorry I had to leave you my love."

"It's not your fault." He brought her close. "It's not your fault. We could have run away together. A little house by a lake." Tears spilled openly from his eyes.

She gave a little chuckle. "And a couple cows."

He kissed her like the sun would never again rise and the world was shattering like glass at his feet. Like the sky was erupting in flames and the world was ending with ashes and agony. But for him, a young man with a broken heart it was. "I can't lose you again. Once was hard enough. I've lost everyone." He voice cracked and he looked up, suddenly hopeful.

"Not him." Freya tilted her head in Arthur's direction who was watching them, dumbstruck.

Suddenly Merlin was furious. "How can you say that? He's the one who killed you!" his voice softened, forehead creased. "He's the one who took you away."

She shushed him quietly. "No, no. He did what he thought was right. The one who cursed me destroyed what we could have had. What we _should _have had."

He shook his head as his tears fell. "I'm sorry."

They pressed their foreheads together. Freya pulled away and looked up at him through her long lashes. He tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear. "I have to go. The spirits are calling."

"Stay with me please. I don't have to go. I can stay here and we can be together."

"You can't Merlin. And I can't stay." She took his hands in her own. "But know, my dear Merlin that I will always love you. I will always be with you. As long as the flowers bloom in spring and the waves crash on the shore I will be with you."

She brought his hands up to her chin. "I want you to forgive him. Stay with him. You can't stay here. Your destiny as Emrys."

Merlin pulled away, coughing out a bitter laugh. "My destiny. Can't I choose anything in my life?"

She closed the distance between them; the ache of separation was too much. "You already have chosen. You've stayed with Arthur all this time. He is your destiny. And I wouldn't pick another for you in this wretched life we've carved out.

"I can stay with you here." He repeated the same sad song. "Never die. I want to be with you."

Freya cried softly. "I know," he voice broke and she looked down for a brief second. "Please, Merlin. I love you."She caressed his face. "No one is meant to be immortal."

"I love you too. I always will."

They held each other for a while longer before Freya pulled away once more. For the last time. She stepped away from him. Her eyebrows drew together. "I'm sorry. I will always be with you." With those last words she faded into a mist and became nothing more than a flicker in the trees. She was gone.

Merlin fell to his knees. He had lost her again. Once and for all. He brought his hands to his face and sobbed. Nothing mattered at that moment. He was vaguely aware of the knights coming to his side, attempting to comfort him amidst their confusion. He bent over, face inches from the ground. The realm was disappearing, fragments fading to nothingness. The realm was breaking up. She must be gone. He closed his eyes, remembering the feel of her lips on his, the warmth of her skin, the whisper of her breath.

He opened his eyes to see trees surrounding him, cold dirt beneath his hands. It was over.


	9. The Return

**I know I haven't updated in a really, really long time and I'm sorry. Here's chapter 9. Thanks for reading.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin**

The silence was pressing against him, trapping him. They walked in silence, Merlin hanging in the back. The young warlock had been staring at the dirt ground for the past few hours. When the men had regained consciousness after the spirit realm, they had been surprised to see the heavy blanket of night still spread across the sky. Mere hours had passed since their time in the tavern. They found themselves to be several hours and many more miles from Camelot.

He felt numb. The crippling sensation of losing his true love again had exploded in his chest like a cannon blast but now the dust had settled. He'd lost the war with too many casualties. His body shuddered with every step he took. It would have been so easy for him to give up now. His life in Camelot was over. Freya was gone, once more. Arthur would never trust him again. He would be banished, if not executed. But that was Uther's way. Banishment would be Merlin's curse.

Merlin inhaled sharply. Execution would be so much simpler. He could return to Ealdor, yet he would be leaving some of his dearest friends behind. Gaius and Gwen. The knights, no matter how they saw him now. He would still give his life for them. And Arthur. Merlin lifted his head to rest his gaze upon Arthur's back.. Arthur looked sternly forward. The other knights did not look back at him. Their boots were muddy and they trekked slowly. They were emotionally and physically exhausted.

_"Something has been upsetting you, hasn't it?"_

He remembered when Arthur had first come to him after he had been mourning Freya.

_He had paused in scrubbing one of Arthur's many boots. Like a stubborn child he had responded with a simple "Maybe."_

_"Was it when I threw water at you?"_

_ in his grief, Merlin had let out a chuckle. Voice cracking, betraying him just a bit he replied. "Wasn't very nice."_

_"It was a bit unfair."_

_There was a pause. "Like when you called me fat."_

_"Why was that unfair?"_

_"Because I am not f-" Arthur stopped abruptly. He grimaced but felt a small victory at noticing a smile on the young warlock's face. He had succeeded in making his best friend laugh. He then proceeded to grab Merlin in a headlock and rub his fist into the boy's scalp._

It felt like there was a black hole in Merlin's chest. He felt like he could break at any moment, shatter like glass on the ground.

He longed for the time of simple companionship with Arthur. He couldn't believe that just a few hours ago, his secret had been safe and all had been well. How could Arthur ever forgive him for keeping this secret? Merlin was a warlock. The most powerful sorcerer to ever live. Born with magic. _I did not choose this life. It chose me._

Or was Uther's upbringing so firmly implanted in the young king's brain that he would destroy years of friendship and trust in a heartbeat?

It had been roughly eight hours since Arthur's kidnapping. Gwen tapped her foot impatiently on the floor. Gaius, even his old age, was pacing by the wall. Camelot was still. As swiftly as Arlon and his men had taken the tavern, they had fled. Search parties roamed far and wide searching for the king. The news of the king's disappearance had been contained to castle wells, as well as it could. If word spread to the people there would surely be a panic. Those at the tavern had been rounded up, many still unconscious when the royal guard arrived at the scene. Others had been found with the sharp memory of the serving maid.

Despite her protesting, and her orders, the remaining knights and Gaius had persuaded Gwen to stay at the castle. She hovered nervously by the window, staring at the courtyard. Gaius stayed with her, not trusting her to be alone.

"I'm sure Arthur will be fine, my lady. It is not the first time he's gotten into trouble at a tavern nor will it be the last." Gaius attempted to reassure Guinevere.

She looked back at him. Her forehead was creased with concern. "I know. Yet I worry someday he will not return home."


	10. The End

Merlin blinked blearily at the familiar sight of Camelot. How many times had he returned from varying trips with Arthur, to stand here and look upon the kingdom? The others started to move towards the gates, picking up their pace at the sight of home.

Merlin stood still. He looked so fragile, the last shivering, shuddering leaf clinging to a branch as the cold grasp of winter approaches. "Wait."

His voice was soft but he saw Arthur visibly stiffen. The blonde king stood still for a moment. He turned to face the warlock and Merlin tensed. He tried to read Arthur's face but he couldn't see any definable emotion there. His heart jumped erratically in his chest. This was it. He'd be banished, executed. A look of determination swept Arthur's face. He walked quickly to stand before Merlin. He took a deep breath. "You… you have magic." His bow crinkled. "My father, he-he would not have tolerated you in his kingdom. But," he faltered for a second, and then regained his composure.

Arthur looked Merlin in the eyes and said strongly and clearly; "But my father no longer rules Camelot. I do. And you Merlin, will always be safe here. No magic or sorcery will ever confuse me of that. You have been by my side for years and it would be foolish to think I would not do the same for you. You have not asked of me for anything that I have not been able to give and this-_you, _are no exception."

His gaze softened and then a devilish hint of a smirk crept into his eyes. "Now hurry up Merlin, my boots are going to need to be cleaned and polished among other things. Run on down and see if you can get me a hot meal." He cocked an eyebrow.

Merlin's mouth opened and closed, he was at a loss for words. Arthur's eyes looked more open then he had ever seen. "Nothing has changed. If you need someone," he stumbled over this part. "Er… Freya… I'm here."

The young warlock grasped at words. "Arthur…"

Arthur looked at him. The knights had been watching the exchange. Gwaine came over and clapped the boy on the shoulder. "Better get a move on mate. My stomach's been growling for the past hour."

Merlin felt sluggish. He had not expected an outcome such as this. Suddenly elation swept him. He was safe, free. The burden of his terrible secret had shrunk considerably. With new found energy, his feet carried him all the way back to Camelot.

In the years that passed, Arthur Pendragon proved to be a great king of Camelot. With Gwen by his side, he brought an age of prosperity to the kingdom. Laws against sorcery lifted and Merlin, previously the king's manservant became the first official Court Sorcerer. It was the beginning of a new era.

**Sooo… I guess this is the end. This is my first finished multi-chapter fanfiction. Please review… ****J**** I hope you enjoyed the story. Thank you so much for reading, especially if you have been following since the beginning. It means a lot to me. Please review what you thought of the ending(if you want:D).**


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